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Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons

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Result page:    2  3  Next  (44 images)


1. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-04-24 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-04-24 Pub. Date: 2017-04-24
Image Number: 157466
Caption: Mr. Sessions Instructs American Cities They Better Cooperate With the Feds. Ok, pay attention. This is a strongly worded letter … LA. Philly. New York. Chicago. Boston. Eh … You better obey … er um … er …
     
2. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2017-03-25 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2017-03-25 Pub. Date: 2017-03-25
Image Number: 156369
Caption: Form 1040. Department of the Treasury. Internal Revenue Service. U.S. Individual Income Tax Return. 2016. OMB No. 1545-0074. IRS Use only - Keep your greasy fingers off this space. For the year Jan. 1 - Dec. 31, 2016 (And thank God THAT's over!). 2016 ending. 20. See separate instructions. Your Name (Phonetic Spelling). Your Name Used on Dating Service (Attach Recent Photograph). Your Social Security Number. Your gang or mob name (Ex: Louise Pepperoniface, etc) Your Travel Name (Do Not Use Mohammed). Your Other Social Security Number. Address of Your House Before Foreclosure. Crappy apt. you moved to. Bass Ale! How about a cold one right now? (adv.) City, State or Exit from Jersey Turnpike (if you have foreign address, go there and wait for instructions.) Presidential Election Campaign. Checking Here Will Not Make a Damn Bit of Difference. You. Whatshername. Instructions: Drop Dead. Except for Canada, Canada still OK. Eh? Filing Status. Or Fling Status. (It is later than you think.) 1. Single (in the Republican sense of the word). 2. Married Filing Jointly (include all arguments). 3. Married Filing Separately (include sex of partner if you remember). 4. Head of Household (are you the person who sits with head in hands and wonders how you are going to feed all these mistakes, er dependents?) Enter names of dependents. Write small. 5. Qualifying widower. Enter golf handicap. Exemptions. See Publication EXX "Exemption to Exemptions to Exemptions". If more than four exemptions, or if some exemptions have four legs check here. 6a. Yourself. (That's right, you, stupid. If you are not yourself, who did you claim to be?). b. Spouse (or anyone who thinks they should be) (That's a funny word. "spouse") c. Dependents: 1 First name. Nom de plume or AKAs. Phonetic Social Security Number. Last known address? Does this dependent follow instructions? (See instructions). Boxes checked. No. of children who had live-in girlfriends/boyfriends. Had their divorced spouses living with you. You asked to leave but they had no place to go. Add numbers on lines above. (OK to use fingers). d. Total number of exemptions claimed (Round up to nearest 3/5's). Income. Attach forms here. Attach a couple of Andy J's while you're at it, to speed processing. Your ad here! Read by millions! Contact IRS Media. Helpful Hint. We are not going to give you any helpful hints. 7 Wages, salaries, tips, bottle deposits, bribes, free lunches, coins found in couch cushions. 8a Taxable interest. Attach Schedule B. If you don't understand, go to plan B. b. Tax-exempt interest. Much more interesting, isn't it? 9a Ordinary dividends. Nothing special, just Joe the Dividend. b Qualified dividends. Big Whoop. Trump's Rich Friends. 10. Taxable Refunds. Bank error in your favor. Pass GO, collect 200. 11. Alimony received (if that bum ever paid up). 12. Business Income or (loss). Use Schedule EZ come, EZ go. 13. Capital gain of (loss). Include your share of the national debt. 14. Other gains or (losses). Check box if you are just making stuff up. 15a. IRA distributions. b. Amount you had with Lehman. 16a. Pensions and annuities. b Amount with State of Illinois. 17. Rental real estate, royalties, partnerships (Use Schedule X to report missing partner). 18. Farm Income or (loss), Attach Schedule F (Do not include the funny farm). 19. Unemployment compensation (Amazing isn't it? You get taxed on this, too). 20a. Social Security benefits b. Taxable amount. 21. Other Income. (Bake sales, washing cars, baby-sitting, bingo games, don't hide anything). 22. This is your total income. Unless you are General Electric. If so write zero. Adjusted Gross Income. Remember you can file this form electronically, using your computer, and really mess things up. 23 Educator expenses (Spankings, noogies, butt-kicking). 24 Certain business expenses that you as a mere nobody have no business knowing about. Just keep moving. 25 Health savings account deduction. (May make you sick.) 26 Moving expenses. (See instructions). 27 Instruction tax. 28 Self-employment tax. 29 Self-enjoyment tax. 30 Penalty for early withdrawal (One-half of self-enjoyment tax). 31a Alimony paid. Rat out spouse's SSAN. 32 USSR tax (Useless Social Security Recipients). 33 Student loan interest (Do not include English majors). 34 Lack of interest in being a student. 35. Add up lines one to a million, divide by twice the total sum of your weight in Chinese running shoes. If greater than one-half of total something, go forth and multiply. 36. This is your adjusted gross income (Adjusted? We mean disgusted.) Now we can go to page two, tra-la. Last thought: Any money or thing of worth laying around? Better send it in. Just in case. Hey, you never know. Cat. No. 11320B. Form 1040 (2016).
     
3. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-12-06 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-12-06 Pub. Date: 2016-12-06
Image Number: 152020
Caption: Get Ready! Ok, you birds! Better enjoy the free handout while you can. Come January there's gonna be a new crowd in. NO more spongin' off the government. No more free anything. Bird seed. Gas.
     
4. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-11-14 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-11-14 Pub. Date: 2016-11-14
Image Number: 151219
Caption: Melania Let the Dogs Out (Bannon, Gingrich, Giuliani). Now you all be good dogs and wait until the president needs you. No barking, no chasing cars, no fighting, remember, the country is watching. God, I must just want to bite somebody on the leg. Well, we better keep an eye on Rudy ... Oooh! Oooh! Hydrant! Oooh!
     
5. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-09-27 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-09-27 Pub. Date: 2016-09-27
Image Number: 149200
Caption: Hey! How About a Career in Politics? Let's Ask Kellyanne Conway. Good lord, Kellyanne … why don't you get a better job? What? Get out of show biz? Caution.
     
6. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-08-23 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-08-23 Pub. Date: 2016-08-23
Image Number: 147843
Caption: Future Co-Pilots. Can you push the "bombs away" button? Well, of course Hey it's better than sex. Cpt. Putin.
     
7. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-06-28 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-06-28 Pub. Date: 2016-06-28
Image Number: 146010
Caption: With Justice Scalia in Hell. Daily Cinder Damnation Information. Cinder. Supremes Block Texas Abortion Law. Look at that! I'm not gone six months and they've already screwed things up. You should have taken better care you yourself.
     
8. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-04-19 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-04-19 Pub. Date: 2016-04-19
Image Number: 142308
Caption: Bernie Don't Worry About Speeches Hillary Gave on Wall Street Nobody Was Listening. Speech. Price list. Best $350k. Better. Good. Meh
     
9. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-03-08 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-03-08 Pub. Date: 2016-03-08
Image Number: 140393
Caption: Mr. Cameron Tries to Convince the British Public of Something. Look, guv'ner, we beat them Germans, dint we? Right. And we saved the frogs' arses, dint we? Right. And we ran the bloody world, dint we? Too right, innit. Yes, but I think we must move with the times ... Better have another one, squire ... Guinness is for Winness. Daily Ruppert.
     
10. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-02-18 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-02-18 Pub. Date: 2016-02-18
Image Number: 139536
Caption: Chinese military. Better crank up some more. Seen these guys?
     
11. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-02-09 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-02-09 Pub. Date: 2016-02-09
Image Number: 139134
Caption: Subway map. Uptown 1 2 3. Look! Martin Shkreli lookalike! Kick my ass. $5.00. 3 for $10.00. Smirk included. You'll feel better! Visa. M/C. Amex.
     
12. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2016-02-03 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2016-02-03 Pub. Date: 2016-02-03
Image Number: 138818
Caption: Army Says Women Should be Registered for the Draft. Straighten that back, maggot! You call that a push up? Why my grandmother can do better than that! And she's in the Navy! I can't hear you! Sgt. Scott says drafties are more fun to yell at.
     
13. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-12-10 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-12-10 Pub. Date: 2015-12-10
Image Number: 136435
Caption: Justice Scalia Explains. Ok, maybe I did say something racist Maybe I did say that blacks might not have the smarts to go to better universities But give me a break .. Look who I've been sitting next to for years Wake up Clarence Huh? Wha? Lunch?
     
14. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-10-25 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-10-25 Pub. Date: 2015-10-25
Image Number: 134512
Caption: GOP candidates Pataki, Graham, Jindal and Christie go trick or treating. We're not getting and candy or anything ... Maybe we better go in disguises. I could go as Carly. Perhaps our friend Christie has the right idea. Hey! You don't open hoop I'll send my boys over. I know where you live. I'll come in there and mess you up. I'll beat you like a rented traffic cone. Nice place you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it. Hey!
     
15. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-08-06 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-08-06 Pub. Date: 2015-08-06
Image Number: 130876
Caption: Ah, Senator McConnell A better deal on Iran without a doubt War.
     
16. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-07-21 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-07-21 Pub. Date: 2015-07-21
Image Number: 130145
Caption: In New York City, Mayor DiBlasio is Against Horse-Drawn Carriages and Uber Cars. Better worse who can say? But I like workin' my own hours and the air conditioning. Uber.
     
17. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-07-03 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-07-03 Pub. Date: 2015-07-03
Image Number: 130764
Caption: Mr. Netanyahu Explains the Ultra Orthodox. See they make the rest of us look better
     
18. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-06-10 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-06-10 Pub. Date: 2015-06-10
Image Number: 128239
Caption: Justice Roberts and the Obamacare Case. What? It's about the Obamacare case I thought Republicans wanted me to kill Obamacare Heh, yes, well, um you see If millions of people on Obamacare get thrown off they might blame us So? So then they'd vote against us. Good Lord. But if you could uphold Obamacare ... Then Republicans wouldn't blame us ... They'd ... um ... blame you ... Which would be better.
     
19. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-06-05 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-06-05 Pub. Date: 2015-06-05
Image Number: 128845
Caption: GOP Gerrymanders Voting Eligibility and Restricts Sunday Voting. Don't you see? This is better. Leaves you more time to pray Ballot. Vote here when permitted.
     
20. Cartoonist Jeff Danziger  Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons 2015-03-12 better 
Cartoonist(s): Jeff Danziger
Comic/Cartoon: Jeff Danziger's Editorial Cartoons
Viewable Date: 2015-03-12 Pub. Date: 2015-03-12
Image Number: 124363
Caption: Lieutenant Tom Cotton With His Men in the Iraq War. All right, men, follow me Actually, sir, Corporal Smith here has just written a letter to the other side and we're all going to sign it not only is "Lieutenant" Cotton misguided, but he will be gone in a few months, replaces by somebody else who may have different ideas ... Better put in something about the Constitution ...
     
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